Please Don't
by XanderB
Summary: Duo loves Heero, but he can't say it to him, at least not out loud. Heero loves Duo and refuses to listen to Duo's reasoning. They're in the middle of a war after all and Duo doesn't want to be Heero's distraction.


Please Don't

Warnings: Yaoi, brief mentions of LEMON, swearing, angst, deathfic, some OOCness, etc...

Disclaimers: I own nothing, but the plot.

The song used is called 'Near You Always' by Jewel.

Lyrics

Please don't say I love you,  
those words touch me much too deeply  
and they make my core tremble  
Don't think you realize the effect you have over me  
Please don't look at me like that  
It just makes me want to make you near me always

(Duo)

I watch you avidly as you look into me, the Prussian and cerulean of your irises twisting and quarreling passionately and I can see the words you want to speak so clearly within them. And I beg you silently, pleading for you not to say them. I think if you tell me that you love me once more, I might die. I can't believe I've managed to make you human. I've forced you to love me and I cannot take it back now that it's happened. I'm not sure I even would if I could. Am I selfish for wanting you to love me?

I shake my head as you open your mouth, your sensuous lips forming the worn words. I refuse to hear them. They are my undoing. I need to be clear-headed. I need no more distractions. I need to get my head on straight. Those words make me freeze. They set my word on fire, ruining the walls I've so carefully built between you and I. And I know that it is my fault that you have become this, that you have fallen in love with me. If only I hadn't pushed you so hard.

Your words make me weak. My eyes water with bated tears and it takes more strength than I will ever admit to you to keep them at bay. You have no idea just the amount of power you have over me. Imaginary butterflies quiver and flutter on beautiful wings within my stomach and my whole body trembles as though I'm cold, even with no breeze to chill me. Goosebumps arise on my flesh as you press on with your words. I can't listen. I mustn't.

I cannot meet your eyes again. I know what they will say. I know the look that you are giving me now and I know what will happen if I see, if I meet those lonely eyes of your's. My heart is only too eager to make me want you, beating madly against the cage of my ribs. I wish that this had never occurred, perhaps that we had never met. You see, when you speak those words, the ones that bring me to my knees in defeat, it only makes me want you near me always, which is absurd. We are in the midst of a war.

We are hardly more than children, barely passed our fifteenth year and we must be adults before our time. We can't afford these childish urges. I can't let you love me. I can't let myself love you. We need to complete the much too important tasks set out before us. We cannot afford this distraction that I have forced on us. But even as I despise what I have done to us, I don't want for these feelings to stop, for this sacred time between us to be lost. I need you and you can never know just how much.

Please don't kiss me so sweet  
it makes me crave a thousand kisses to follow  
And please don't touch me like that  
makes every other embrace seem pale and shallow  
And please don't come so close  
it just makes me want to make you near me always

You're coming closer to me now, even as I push you away. I try to be harsh and lie to you. I yell at you that I don't love you back, but my tears give me away. I can't possibly lie to you. How could I when I love you more than anything else in this world or outside of it. Your arms close in around me, your fingertips pressing into my flesh insistently. You know that I am trying to save you, but you don't want to be saved. You want to fall with me. You tell me so and your lips are getting closer.

Your mouth is on mine before I can stop you. There is nothing I can do when you kiss me like this. You only make me crave more kisses just the same as this one. Your tongue is quick to press between my lips and into the heated cavern of my open mouth. I wish you wouldn't make it so hard for me to not love you. We should be concentrating on the mission we are on, but all I can think of are your lips on mine. And I am breathing in your breath. I am living on your flesh.

I beg you not to make this so difficult for me, but your callused hands are under my shirt, your fingers running along my chest, my back, sliding knowingly over old scars. I can only shiver beneath them. Why can't you be rough with me? Maybe then, I could hate you. But you never can. You only know to be gentle with me, in case my flesh breaks beneath your touch. I wish I could crumble under your fingertips, under your lips, but it isn't so simple as that.

I wish you wouldn't touch me like this, so softly, so delicately. You make me feel like glass, as if I am a precious treasure. Is that what I am to you? Am I a precious gem you've discovered in a pile of hideous debris? Your hands are pressing lower and my shirt has disappeared. Your body is burning me as you thrust me backwards. Your fingers are tearing feverishly at the button and zip of my pants. I wear nothing beneath them, just the way you like it.

Somehow I have ended up completely nude and so have you. I'm not so sure when it all took place exactly, but I know what will ensue. I am on the mattress, the softness of it hardly noticed as I am preoccupied with your hands and lips on me. Your scalding tongue is on my neck, sliding expertly over the spots that make me shiver against you. You know just where to touch me and I know that there will never be another you. Another's touch could never make me burn the way that your's does.

I crush myself against you, rubbing and tempting you, our bodies slick with perspiration. You hold me tightly, almost hindering my breath, but you're careful. You're always so careful. You're afraid you'll break me if you press too hard. And you're inside me before I have the chance to breathe and you are so strong. Your body is so heavy over me, your eyes are seeing into me again and I have no defense when you are so close to me. All I can say is your name, just those two syllables over and over, my nails trailing angry marks over the sweat-slicked skin of your muscular back and I can't remember why I wanted to refuse you to begin with. It will come back to me.

I can't stop you now, not that I could before. We both already knew that this would happen, no matter what I had tried to tell myself I would do if you did this to me again. The truth, if I'm being truthful, is that you can have me whenever and wherever you want. I can't deny you. I never could. I always want you just as badly. And I arch as pleasure courses through me. And I bite my lip harshly as you plunge into me. And I fall over the edge as I am filled with you. Our breathing slows and we sleep.

Please don't bring me flowers  
they only whisper the sweet things you'd say  
Don't try to understand me  
your hands already know too much anyway  
It just makes me want to make you near me always

There are flowers on my pillow again and I know that they are left by you every time they appear. Daisies, they're always daisies. How on earth do you remember that they're my favourites? I look away from them. I want to tear them apart, rip their pristine white petals off one by one and stomp on them, but I can't bring myself to do it. I can't destroy something I hold so dear to me. And they are so dear because they are a gift from you. Why do you have to torment me so? All the flowers do is whisper sweetly your words of love. They whisper them into my ears repeatedly until I think I might go mad and I seek you out. It's just the way you know it will be.

When I find you, I know you have been waiting for me. And you're always asking me now. It's as if we've switched our places; you are me and I am you and you're always asking me and asking me and asking me. I have no answers for you. At least no new ones. Your hands have already pried all of my secrets from me. What more do you want? Do you want to consume me? I don't want you to understand me fully. I don't want to give you what little is left of me, for then I will be lost forever.

I've let you have so much of me already. I have nothing more to give and yet you still want more. And I'll fight you even though I merely want you to be near me for the rest of my life. And now we're on our way to the end. Metal and air have become the walls between us. Fire and death leave ribbons in our wake and we'll keep at it until there is nothing left.

And when you look in my eyes  
please know my heart is in your hands  
It's nothing that I understand, but when in your arms  
you have complete power over me  
So be gentle if you please, 'cause  
Your hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth  
And it makes me want to make you near me always

And here I am, lying in a pool of what I assume is my own blood and oil from my machine, the one that has become another part of who I am. Deathscythe lays in a heap of fire and debris. My fingers ache and so do my legs and your lips are moving with words, but I am deaf. You look anguished and I think you might cry. I am not mistaken. Your tears are falling on my face like rain and I wonder what can be so wrong. I've never seen you shed a tear before, not even when the pain was bad. I want to reach for you, but my hands won't budge. Is it weird that I'm not afraid?

I know that I must be dying. My skin is getting cold and you're holding me tighter now. Or maybe you're not, but my chest just feels like it's being crushed. Is that the blood filling my lungs? I blink up at your tear-filled eyes. Your face is dirty and I want to wipe it clean, but I can't. Your hands are in my hair and your pulling my face close to your's and I hurt. I want to yell at you to be gentle, it hurts. It figures that the only time you're rough is when I'm dying.

And our eyes meet and I want you to know that I love you too. I don't think I've ever said it, but I think you've always known. And it's not like I understand these emotions enough to explain why I am powerless when I am in your arms and why I am safest here. I don't even know how to tell you that you were always the one, that you would only ever be the one. There never could be anyone else. I am your's after all. And is it so much to ask for you to be near to me while I die?

Your hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth  
And it makes me want to make you near me always  
I want to be near you always  
I want to be near you always

And your hands are still clenched in my dirty hair. I can feel them against my scalp. It's itching with the pull. Your lips are on my cheeks, my eyes, my lips, my forehead, everywhere. And when you pull back, there is blood on them, but you don't seem to mind and I wonder why. You're telling me you love me and you're begging. Pleading and begging and praying. And you're screaming at me now. Demanding that I stay with you. How can I? I don't have control over this you know? It's not like I asked for this to happen. I wanted to be with you always, I did. I swear I did.

I want to speak, but nothing comes out when I try. My mouth is open, but my voice doesn't exist. You tell me not to try to talk to you. It's funny; I'm finally quiet when I have something important to say. You really need to hear it. I really need to say it, but I can't force it out. I want to shout that you have my heart and to hold onto it for me, but my breath is getting shallow and my vision's starting to swim.

And as I am breathing my last breath and your hands are still in my hair, and my heart is held in your teeth, I just want you to know Heero, that I wanted to be near you, always...

I want to be near you always...

OWARI

R & R please.


End file.
